We have often read and heard quotes such as ‘hurt people, hurt people’ or ‘those who don’t heal, bleed onto others.’
But little do we realize that our emotional healing is as much an important factor for effective and positive parenting, as any other prospect in life. The thought that we as parents must have hurt our children will come as a surprise to many because which parent in their right mind and heart would ever want to hurt their children.
Our entire parenting ideology and goal should only revolve around not passing our toxic traits or past trauma to our children. There is no greater disservice to parenting than this. There are various ways in which we inflict our painful past onto our children.
One of the most common traits is associating the child with the other parent. For example – you are just like your father.
While sometimes we may use it as a compliment, when used in a state of anguish, it reflects the child is being compared with the said parent and is now the object of hatred because he or she may have similar traits of the parent.
On no fault of his/ her, the child bears the brunt of hatred.
Often parents harm their children in silent ways. They hurt their children in ways that would be unfathomable for them if thought about later. They mark their children with grief, which was handed over to them.
Giving your child silent treatment without any explanations, taking out frustration on your children, calling them names, taunting or criticizing them unnecessarily, not appreciating their hard work, not considering boundaries are all millions of ways in which unhealed and emotionally unhealthy parents harm their children.
As a parent, your only goal is to not transfer your darkness to your children. Your only goal is to shelter your children from your hurt selves. This is why you need to watch out for negative and narcissistic behaviors within your parenting and trace back your actions to discover if they are leading you to an unhealed emotional wound within yourself.
You can also seek therapy, if possible, to make it your mission to protect your children from the hurt you have experienced yourself.
Written by: Ishroon Nazish